I can no longer ignore the signs that I have to make some changes... and it is has been difficult to decide exactly where those changes need to be made. The long and short of it is that my health has begun to suffer from the stress of trying to meet all the obligations I feel that I must do to be effective in my service to the Lord. Please... I am not complaining! It is a blessing to be given the opportunity to reach people for the Kingdom of God, and I can think of no higher calling upon my life.
But I am being forced to admit that between writing this blog, the increasing demands for deliverance, the discipling/Bible studies with individuals, our Home Church, and being involved with a committed group of Believers who are dedicated to living out the Great Commission in ALL of its aspects (and changing our community).... that something's gotta give.
Our Home Church only meets once a month, but these people are so precious to me. When I see how far we have come together in renewing our minds; and the progress that individuals have made in determining their own theology -- and then acting on it -- both Mark and I are inspired to continue growing with this amazing group of people. The time spent on preparation [and in fellowship] fills my spirit with hope and joy.
And now God has called us to a new endeavor; to actually live out the Great Commission: beginning with healing the sick, as Jesus repeatedly modeled for us and commanded us to do in Matthew 28 and Mark 16. This involves an in-depth weekly study and association with a small core group who seek to be true disciples of our Lord, in the hopes that we can change our community, and then spread the Gospel Message of the Kingdom in ever-widening spheres.
But I can no longer disregard that all this work for the Lord is taking its toll. And needless to say, there is a considerable amount of guilt that comes with a decision of what to curtail, and to what extent I must reduce an activity. And it should go without saying that my time spent meeting the needs of my husband is a priority, along with wanting to help him with his business. But how do you say "No", to the Lord? But then my wise husband pointed out that I am always trying to meet some timeframe or deadline, and I need to ask the Lord what to do. That's when I came across the following Scripture: (Mark 6:31) He said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a little while”—for there were many [people who were continually] coming and going, and they could not even find time to eat. (That describes my life more than I want to admit).
I instantly felt a burden being released ... it's okay to step back and admit that you can't do it all; that you need a period of rest so that you can still do your best and enjoy it. It doesn't mean you are failing Him. Even Jesus needed to dial it back once in awhile so He didn't burn Himself out. If we pay close attention to the Scriptures, we can see Him going to the wilderness or up on a mountain for some quiet time with the Father and some time away from the turmoil of His life.
So, it's okay to admit that, at the moment, I feel pulled in too many directions and my spirit is feeling undernourished. It does the Kingdom no good if my strength is diminished, or I'm too busy to hear God's still, quiet voice. And lately, I've been feeling too much like Martha, who was worried and upset about meeting her obligations, that she didn't take the time [like her sister, Mary] to rest at the feet of Jesus and listen to what He had to say to her.
I realize that I have been missing those glimpses of Jesus that I used to have [and make time for]. My spirit is hungry to regain those intimate moments of rest with Him. So I have to intentionally make the time, and like I said ... something's gotta give. This blog was the first stepping stone in my walk with Jesus, and it is not time to leave this path. BUT, I believe it is time to re-allocate some of the deadlines associated with it to another of the tasks He has assigned to me. I will still maintain and write for this blog, but it may only be once or twice a week -- or whenever the Holy Spirit whispers in my ear. I simply need to remove the stress that comes with meeting self-determined deadlines.
And, maybe, Jesus is trying to tell me that I've said enough about Deliverance, Discipling, Healing, and advancing the Kingdom... and now I need to put my time and effort into DOING IT. Then again, wouldn't it make the devil extremely happy if I just shut up about it all? I don't think Jesus wants that, either. So, for now, I am going to let Him be my True Shepherd... I'm going to let Him make me lie down in green pastures, lead me beside still waters, and restore my soul.
I know He still has things He will want me to share with you as I continue my life's journey with Him. But I will let Him name the deadline and follow His lead. I hope you will continue to check in on this blog, and I hope you will be both surprised and pleased when I have something new to say. Thank you for remaining loyal, for understanding, and for taking this blessed pilgrimage with me. We aren't done, and this relationship isn't over, by far -- when Jesus reveals something new about Himself, or the Holy Spirit whispers a message from Heaven, you'll be the first to know. God bless you, and I remain in His Power and Love!
Matthew 11:28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest".