Then, interestingly, I stumbled across this poem by Carmela Patterson, titled, Teetering On The Edge. It sums up what I've been feeling...
We stand on a precipice and teeter on the edgeO Lord, help us not to slip and fall;Let satan not draw between us a wedge ~Speak loudly that we may hear your Call.
Lord, we are so weak and growing very wearyWe stumble, fall, drag ourselves hour upon hourOur eyes are swollen shut, tired and teary;O lift our crosses with your almighty power.
We can't live up to our own expectationsLet alone try to live up to Yours;Help us to revel again in jubilation,Help us fight off satan's lures.
Our bodies, minds, hearts, souls and spiritSuffer under the weight of the cross we carry;Your humble submission, may we mirror it,Permit your guiding hand not to tarry.
It becomes clear to us that we are to blameFor the position in which we find ourselves;In soulful petition we call upon Your Name,Lord, forgive us and hold us to Thyself.
Thank you, Lord, for the blessings you bring ~Thank you for removing sin's sting ~In gratitude and Praise to you we sing ~You are our Lord! You are our King!In Heaven and earth Praises ring ~In Adoration we all sing!You are Lord and King! ! !
This past weekend, I had the privilege of learning the origin and meaning of my father's surname and my mother's maiden name. From my father's side my last name was Ellison, meaning "son of Ellis", with Ellis being from the Greek name "Elias", or the Hebrew name "Eliyahu" meaning "Jehovah is God". Essentially, my family name comes to mean, "son of God". From my mother's side, I am descended from the last name Palmer. The surname Palmer was originally derived from the Old French word palmer, which was taken from the Latin word palmifer meaning palm bearer. In this case the original bearer of the surname was a pilgrim who carried palm branches back from the Holy Land. I was astounded that I carried such a strong legacy related to the Scriptures! So, naturally, I am left wondering if I am living up to those identities.
But the weekend also afforded me the opportunity to speak to a man with great spiritual insight [after observing a training session on some higher spiritual mechanics that Mark and I are just tuning into). This man spoke prophetic words to me as if he could see into my heart. He said, "You are almost there! It's like there is a thin membrane between you and the Throne Room, and your face is making multiple imprints, like you are trying to break through saran wrap. You're asking so many questions, and not waiting for God to bring you an answer before you are on to your next question. Relax! Quit thinking so much! Rest! You will get your answers -- and your breakthrough -- in His timing!"
And just like Carmela's poem says ... I am to blame for the position I find myself in. I'm too impatient and want to run ahead of where God wants to take me. About eight years ago, another man gave me a message that I was to write for God, and then he told me he had a Scripture that I should hold close to my heart. It is Isaiah 40:31: But those who wait for the Lord [who expect, look for, and hope in Him] will gain new strength and renew their power; They will lift up their wings [and rise up close to God] like eagles [rising toward the sun]; They will run and not become weary, They will walk and not grow tired. Obviously, I have not buried that verse deep enough into my heart.
Lord, help me to walk before I run, so that I do not become weary for the long road before me. Help me to understand and expect that You will bring new strength and new power to me -- when You are ready to give it to me ... and when I am ready to receive it. And, Jesus, if there is more for me to do, I will gladly accept it. But if I am thinking too highly of myself, then humble me so that I might be content with whatever assignment You give me. I do not think my work is done, but I am willing to wait for You to show me if that is true or not. Until then, I will praise You for where You've taken me so far, and what You have shown me of Your awesome Kingdom. I will continue to write of Your Goodness and persist in my obedience to Your call on my life. But I have to tell you that I will never stop seeking You, nor knocking on that door to Your throne room. I may not bear the righteous fruit of my family names, but I will remain a servant of my Lord through eternity, ready to do the good works You have prepared for me. In gratitude and praise, I thank You!
UPDATE: It may be a few days before I post again, due to Hurricane Harvey. We are in the crosshairs of this hurricane, and we have boarded up, and expecting lots of winds and torrential rain, and possible loss of power for several days. We are praying for the blood of Jesus to cover us, our animals, and our property. Your prayers are appreciated!
Psalm 62:5 "For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him".