Yes, I can identify with those emotions. In a way, they never leave me because the worldly security of our household is affected by all of these events. So yes, I too, have my moments of doubt and panic. There is the reality of the number that is in our checkbook... it can only be stretched so far. And the nature of our self-employed business is that it can disappear at any moment. I find myself trying to look into the future, plotting and planning how I am going to make all this work; trying to devise a strategy to sustain us until things settle back down again and our life resumes a more reliable (and monetarily certain) pace.
|Ever feel like you're alone in the desert?|
In other words, God has been unceasingly faithful to us, and has kept His covenant with us. But by taking my eyes and heart off Him, I have lost my focus. And when I look for solutions in this world, my mind is no longer protected from the lies that Satan whispers. Can you identify?
And so, for what seems like an endless cycle, I tighten my spiritual armor, re-adjusting those parts that have slipped out of place. I adapt my line of vision -- away from the dark corners where my Enemy is taunting me, and towards the brilliant Light that conquers the darkness. Soon I am able to see more clearly. I adjust my thoughts, reaffirm that I belong to God, and get back on the path that leads me to His will for my life.
I don't know about you, but there are moments when I have nearly supernatural clarity of the inter-dimensional aspects of this world and the heavenly realms. When I am blessed with that coherent spirit, I am able to see that all the material substance of my life here on earth is secondary to the existence of my spirit seated with Jesus in Heaven. All these worries and concerns over health, finances, family struggles, taxes, even war -- they are only momentary and worthless compared to the riches that will be my inheritance in Heaven. And that reward or legacy is eternity with Jesus.
In those lucid moments when my spirit recognizes that Truth, I am able to let go of all that holds me prisoner and earthbound. And I am free! Oh, how I wish this flesh was not so corrupt -- that I could hold on to those moments of deliverance from this world and its troubles. But even though that vision is fleeting, I am determined to hang on to it as part of my spiritual arsenal of weapons to defeat the lies of Satan. My earthly reality is what it is; but I also know how God views His covenants with those who have answered His call. He is faithful even when we are unfaithful. I regret and repent of the sorrow I have caused Him whenever I test Him and respond to temptation. And I am grateful that He continues to give me those glimpses of my glorious future, and I will praise Him out loud and sing of His glory! I will hang on to His promises; continue to battle the darkness; while waiting on Him and renewing my strength. If you share in these struggles with me, I pray that you are able to join me in overcoming this world and looking forward to our victory in Jesus!
Psalm 27: 1, 14: The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? ... Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!