As I get older, I am becoming more aware of the temporary state of my existence, what others call our mortality. I know that this is the same path most humans will eventually travel, but it has particular significance when you are a follower of Jesus Christ, the Hope of the world. And how you choose to walk in this impermanent life will determine if you profit in your life's journey, and whether you've stayed true to who you were created to be.
Unfortunately, it is human nature to waste our youth on selfish motives and desires. I look back on all the years I chose to feed my appetite for temporal rewards -- those worldly, profane, transient, material, mundane, carnal, fleshly, and perishable prizes this world offers for our self-gratification -- and I grieve for those lost opportunities to become more of who I truly am.
I have discovered that I am a Pilgrim; a person who travels on long journeys in search of the sacred meaning of this life. As I'm writing this, I know it sounds like I'm some kind of fundamentalist and an adherent of religious theology; even a dreamer. But nothing could be further from the truth. I'm about as non-religious as they come. I have simply embraced who I've been throughout my life ... someone who never fit the pattern the world decided was acceptable and normal. And that also defines what the Church has established as the standard of a Christian. I guess I'm the proverbial example of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole; an individualist who can't be pigeon-holed into any specific niche in conventional society, yet nevertheless, is able to navigate all the different spheres circling each other.
Then I stumbled on to the history of my maternal heritage. My mother's maiden name was Palmer, which just happens to historically refer to a pilgrim who traveled to the Holy Land and returned with a palm branch as a sign of their spiritual journey. It points to the entry of Jesus into Jerusalem before His crucifixion and death on the Cross. In the ancient Near East, palm branches were symbols of victory, triumph, peace, and eternal life, and their use by the crowds signifies their recognition of Jesus as the anticipated Messiah and King. They were also used during the Feast of Tabernacles, the festival that celebrated God's provision and deliverance. As biblehub.com reveals, in Christian theology, the palm branches of the triumphal entry into Jerusalem foreshadow the ultimate victory of Christ, as depicted in Revelation 7:9, where a great multitude stands before the throne of God, holding palm branches in their hands, signifying eternal victory and peace in the presence of the Lamb.
So, I am humbled that my maternal lineage seems to foretell that I was ordained to be a "palmer"; a pilgrim looking for the modern equivalent of "the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God" (Hebrews 11:10). I can look back and see two distinct events in my life that God [and Jesus] entered my circumstances, offering me a life-line. The first was in my college years when my stubbornness and false pride urged me to rebel against authority at the university I was attending [and working as part of the dormitory administration], which resulted in me having to withdraw from school, and led to a year of financial struggle as I worked my way back to being able to finish my final year of school and receive my degree. I prayed, and really talked to God for the first time, knowing I wasn't going to make it unless He helped me. It was extremely difficult-- no car (I walked to work, rain, snow, or shine); reduced to food stamps for six months (extremely anemic); and only barely made enough to pay the rent on a small, dreary apartment. But God showed me His Grace and His mercy, delivering me through that dismal period.
The second event was 11 years later, when I was rear-ended by a hit-and-run driver on a major highway through downtown Austin, sending my car end-over-end for five rotations up an embankment. God spared my life as I cried out to Him with each revolution up that embankment. You see, I knew He was real; I knew about Him; but I didn't know Him! I didn't have that personal relationship where I heard Him, or saw the direction He wanted me to go. So, if I was going to ever grab hold of my true identity, I guess He had to get my attention. From that moment on, I began my pilgrimage, a journey that has been winding through hills and valleys, and not without its challenges and tribulations. Yes, I think He tested me along the way. If there truly is a divine purpose to my life to serve Jesus and His Kingdom, He has to know He can trust me to share His Truth, His Way, and His Life with those whom I share the Gospel. My life truly embodies Ephesians 2:8-9, For by grace, I have been saved through faith; and that not of myself, it is the gift of God; not as a result of [my] works, so that I may not boast. I have nothing to boast about in my years on this planet, except for His amazing grace, His everlasting faithfulness, and His persistent goodness and mercy. And for all that, I am so very grateful!
I truly believe that part of the reason for my pilgrimage has been to show me that I do not need to model my life [or my faith] on what the world prescribes. I certainly have walked in unconventionality through every season of my considerable years. And that includes my journey with the Church. Because I intentionally seek direction from the Holy Spirit, whom Jesus has given me to clearly hear and see my way forward towards the goal line He has set before me, I am sensitive to anything or any word that doesn't sound like His voice. Yes, that familiar scripture is really true... My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. I have heard a lot of voices within the four walls of the church building that proclaim they are sharing God's Word and what it means, but because I have decided to seek that personal, individual relationship with my Savior, I can recognize the false and phony voice.
I wish it weren't so ... I wish that every man or woman inside the Church institution spoke the language of God, which brings love and freedom to follow Him in ways that benefit His Kingdom. He made us all with the purpose of glorifying Him, and there are as many ways to do that as there are distinctive people He has made. But that demands that you are truly in tune with His voice, following Him in His ways; not your own ways which the devil has convinced you are legal.
I used to have to fight my qualms and insecurities that I was hearing Jesus correctly, especially when it seemed so foreign to what was being taught in the church I happened to be attending at the time. But then the Spirit showed me that the lack of peace and joy I felt when sitting under those teachings was, in reality, Him showing me that this was not where I belonged; that I could trust Jesus to enlighten me through deeper dives in His Word. In fact, the more I decided to follow the path "less traveled", the more depth I found in my relationship with Jesus. It didn't have to mirror anyone else's! And I found a clearer understanding of Scripture, and received more spiritual revelations that connected me to qualified ancient knowledge of the Creator of the Universe -- the knowledge to discern the difference between self-serving propaganda and God's inspired Word; the ability to discern corrupted theology, designed to lead men away from their purpose in this world.
Perhaps the part of my journey that fills my spirit with hope is seeing more and more Christians who recognize that something is not right ... who recognize that the world, our society, our government, and yes, our churches have wandered off the path that leads them to a Godly life. The corruption in the spiritual realms is too obvious to ignore, and their souls and spirits long for the peace that Jesus promises when we walk with Him. But I am going to be honest... it won't be easy! As Jesus told us, following Him comes with trials and tribulations. But when your heart is sick from watching the decay and destruction in the world, you want nothing else than to be yoked with Him! So take the risk! You don't have to be part of anything that makes your heart or soul sick. Your spirit is longing to awaken to the voice of our Savior! Take a chance and become like Isaac and Jacob ... Live by faith as an alien in the land of promise, as in a foreign land, dwelling in temporary tents [which are also our temporal bodies], fellow heirs of the same promise [as the fathers of our faith].
Don't follow the herd or the tribe! You are here to complete a mission specifically designed for you! Do not miss your opportunity or disappoint yourself! Walk in your own individual truth of who you are in Christ, as whispered by the Holy Spirit, and confirmed by the voice of your Shepherd! You will then live all your days with the certainty and joy of knowing that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, pleasing Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work [you do for His Kingdom], and increasing in the knowledge of God. What better way to spend your remaining time on this corrupted earth? Remember ... we are all exiled as strangers and sojourners in this land. We are here for a reason...
1 Peter 1:17. If you address as Father, the One who impartially judges according to each one's work, conduct yourselves in fear [and reverence] during the time of your stay on earth.
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