I hope you will understand what I'm about to say. When I began writing this blog over four years ago, I never dreamed that it would be as fulfilling and as rewarding as it has been. I felt a calling to write each day to people like me -- people just like you -- who were awakening to a new reality in our country and a new realization that we better get closer to God and know exactly what His Word was telling us. It was time to awake from our slumber, and to awake our family and friends to what was going on in the world, in the Church, and in the spiritual realm. In short, God was calling us to establish His kingdom in the true sense of those words, and it meant we had to rethink our positions, our purpose, and our faith. It has been a full-time job, and at times an all-consuming task.
You see, in my heart I have been driven by the desire to "seek first the Kingdom of God", and I felt that writing this blog was serving my Lord by being a clearinghouse of His ideas, and a place where others who were being drawn out of the world to be God's true remnant could come and feel a kinship with us. I still feel that is true. But God has shown me that I am to serve His Kingdom in other ways, too. For instance, our Home Church group has grown spiritually and closer to God as the months and years have passed. Yet, I feel that my contribution to this group is less than it could and should be.
And, you all know that God has shown my husband and myself the need to study and understand spiritual healing, and that ministry has literally exploded in the last several months; the Lord has brought people to us in person and through this blog who need to experience the Power of Jesus and the Holy Spirit as They heal the deep spiritual wounds of their lives. Yet, I often feel there is not enough time to devote to this important calling.
Then there is my own personal time with the Lord. My Bible study is not what it has been, nor what I would like it to be. And I sometimes feel as if there is not enough hours in the day to give to Him what He deserves. All of these areas of serving the Lord and His Kingdom have been my deepest desire, but I have begun to feel that I have not been at my best in any of them.
Finally, and certainly not the least, I cannot ignore the fact that I feel I have let my husband down … not only in the area of my assistance with his business, but in our personal time together. I have noticed that I have become obsessed with having blogs written for every single day of the week, and the time demand has sometimes limited the relaxed manner in which we used to enjoy our blessed way of life -- the lifestyle that the Lord had originally led us to, and in which He has so generously and consistently provided for us. And I know in my spirit that this is not what the Lord wants…. and this is definitely not what I want. Next to my salvation, my husband is the greatest blessing this side of Heaven and he would never ask me to sacrifice any part of serving the Lord. In fact, he has been my biggest cheerleader. Now, I need to spend more time being with him, as well as more time simply enjoying our life together. I have come to understand the importance of my covenantal relationship with God, but I have made a covenant with my husband, too, and not only does God want me to honor that, as well, but my heart longs to do just that.
The Bible says For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. I have become quite aware that I was spending a lot of time pursuing the righteousness part of life, but I have begun to miss the part about peace and joy. I firmly believe that when I have everything in balance again, that my soul, spirit and life will once again be in harmony with God's plan for my life.
So, you will hear from me a little less often, but I promise you that God has not whispered that it's time to leave this assignment. I am just as dedicated to expressing His voice, through my words, as ever before. It is as simple as this: My work for the Lord has grown, and now I must run my race just a little different than before. I hope … no, I know … you will understand.
1 Timothy 1:12 "I thank Him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because He judged me faithful, appointing me to His service;"